Much of the time, a person in such a situation is not just motivated by their own desire to bypass the worst and most debilitating, painful, frightening, dehumanizing, draining portions of the transfer of spirit out of the meat bag each of us inhabits/animates and into whatever envelops us -- if anything does -- once we're gone from here. The ending process involves many much of the time, and so it would seem prudent, thoughtful, to consider all the other entities we are bonded to or somehow associated with in some way when a person is taking steps to no longer be...and on their own terms (within legal guidelines, of course).
Now, if I were to say that I have cancer or AIDS or kidney or liver failure, or some strange illness soon to strike me dead due to a recessive gene somehow becoming activated in some scientific-y and perfectly believable manner based on smart people's previous research and lots of little squiggles published by the academic scientific medical community peoples...I would not be viewed as weak and pathetic, for the most part, were I to pursue a more timely death as a means to shorten the suffering that is known well to be part of the dragged out useless fight against that which cannot be overcome.
The politically correct take on depression has been defined by sentiments such as: "If you have diabetes, you're not weak to take insulin." Or: "If you have cancer, you're not weak to go through chemotherapy."...With the insinuation that Depression is no more an embarrassment or proof of weakness than whatever stated/exampled physical illness.
But there's a double standard at play. Depression is not an illness of will and character any more than Cancer, to more clearly paraphrase the charitable analogy. Yet, when one has done everything within their power to overcome/beat/cure Depression, they cannot turn to that last resort of a planned end, as that is weak...that is giving up...morally wrong, and selfish. No matter how exhausted they are, they must once more open their eyes, pay their bills, smile politely, play nice, piss and shit, balance their check book, and behave as if life is a blessing.
Don't say "It must be that you've not tried everything!" Not everything is available to everyone...welcome to earth...welcome to humanhood. When I worked, I worked 70 plus hours a week, and couldn't take time to see doctors and therapists. I worried about losing my job, so I worked harder and longer to ensure I retained it.
When I could no longer work, I no longer had the resources I had had but couldn't make use of when I worked.
To compensate, I tried the spiritual approach. I also adopted the habit of processing all data in through several varying filters, and I reduced stress. It worked for a while, then I fell in love...That is a conversation for another day, though.
I'm sure my take on depression is not solely unique. I'm sure of this because I do not believe myself to be solely unique, so my views must not be, either.
But they are my views, and I am going to share them. This is most likely the only way I'm going to be able to be fully ME -- no holds barred, no people pleasing.
I will be ME, here.
Anyone who has an issue with that can feel free to 'click onward' and out...of my space. I will not be afraid, here. I will be brash. I will be snarky. I will be loving and compassionate. I will be imperfect. I will make typos. I will make no sense, and I'll make a lot of sense. I will say things that, either intentionally or unintentionally, will piss others off...and it's all okay.
Most of all, I will be HONEST.
That's something that scares more people than anything else, I think...honesty. They don't know what to do with a person who says what they really think not to get or avoid getting...
Society confuses me. People confuse me. We -- people -- are selfish sons of bitches. I have to include myself in this grouping because of that whole DNA thing. Chromosomes. Biology. Ingredients. Chemistry. Recipe. Logic. Cause and Effect. Statistics. Random consistency.
I'm terminally ill, so although I love people and want to make people smile and feel good, and it hurts deeply to see another person suffering and be unable to remedy their circumstance, It is unrealistic of me to invest in any long term connections with others...Unless, of course I make a spiritual connection...if such a thing truly exists...which I think it does...
Hmm...
My moods will shift. My ideals might shift, as well.
Or perhaps they will remain static...the ideals, that is...
I can promise some lability, as I am a passionate person.
www.merriam-webster.com states:
" Simple Definition of high–strung
- : very nervous or easily upset"
"Simple Definition of passionate
- : having, showing, or expressing strong emotions or beliefs"
Years ago, someone told me that "depression is anger turned inward."
I held on to that stated notion, processing it and processing it, but could never completely relate to it.
I'm more of the mindset that depression is fear turned inward.
Fear, I think, brings about actions at times that could appear to be angry, but aren't genuinely angry at all.
Fearful dogs bite. Fearful politicians smear and defame. Fearful lovers lie, avoid, blame, and cheat. Fearful people stuff others in tidy boxes, judge harshly, dismiss, chastise, manipulate, lie, avoid, blame and cheat.
Fear is powerful. It's both a motivator, and an immobilizer. Fear is anything but powerless, yet the results of exposure to powerlessness is, much of the time, related to fear.
Children who live a life where fear is a major component are at a higher risk for a shorter life span due to physical health issues...so they survive...just to die earlier than others. So how is it, then, that movies and books paint them as brave or amazing...the stuff of stories?
Children who live a life where fear is a major component are not heroes. They are not miracles. They are untimely, horrendously and sloppily delayed seriously criminally late-term abortions.
Of course, this isn't without exception...and I'm very glad of that. Maybe that's the part that is the stuff of stories...the exceptions.
But, if it was about the exceptions, wouldn't it be more 'magical' to relay more accurately the data about the non-exceptions? Relay the truth?
Or is the fact that abuse and cruelty--especially that which is incessantly administered for painfully long periods--to children permanently damages not just a child's chances of joining a more acceptable socioeconomic class or ability to truly flourish socially or financially...that it actually damages and reprograms some parts of their very base configuration...their DNA...is that fact just not sexy enough to sell movies and books?
Are we too stupid to grasp that? If we are...when did we become that stupid?
I think there's a chance that we became that stupid just about the time that the studies and science clearly made the correlation-- At least the majority of us.
Others became that stupid the moment their $60,000 + university educations lead them to the hypothesis that was later confirmed.
One is only stupid, I think, when they have the data and do nothing about it, choose to ignore it.
If you think my thoughts are random, you might be right. It's even more possible, though, that I am picking and choosing what thoughts to write here. I have many many many thoughts...some of which I'm not ready to share.
So, I'll exercise my right to randomness, for now.
No comments:
Post a Comment